dream log: the train station

I had this dream somewhere around 2 years ago, so contextually I was at a different stage than now. But since it was written down, might as well post it.

It begins with me getting caught stealing. In this case, trivial DVDs from a display in some bootleg LA electronics store. A female employee, Mexican, sees me, I get nervous and to cover my malpractice, I approach her, "I found these on the ground." I hand them to her, as she stares skeptically. I tell her I want to look at some camcorders, but she leaves. I know she's leaving to tell a superior about it. I panic inside, desperately trying to stay face. The manager walks over, and I can already sense he doesn't believe me either. I keep repeating my alibi, "I found them on the ground. This is ridiculous. I just wanna buy a video camera." The woman leaves to check the surveillance footage, and I know this is it. So, I confess honestly to the manager, "Look, I did take a couple DVDs from the display. I just wanted to burn Entourage." He smiles, "It's not a big deal. Let's go tell her."

We go down an elevator, exiting and passing through a dark, damp hotel room. A Mexican kid near my age rushes up, and starts badgering the man. I'm not sure about what. But I feel threatened by him. He might distract the manager, and this predicament won't get cleared up. The kid leaves. We continue into another room, even darker than the one before. A woman is having sex, only the dim glow of television images sheds any light. The surroundings change, becoming smaller and more claustrophobic. My eyes race trying to establish a sense of space. It's a squalid, dank bathroom, the types you see in Asian horror cinema. The woman having sex becomes an attractive, but disfigured Japanese girl. The manager looks to me, "do you want to have her?" And all his virtue disappears. I attempt to barter with him, saying I'll work 3 hours for him, scared of his possible underground operations and what he might do. Suddenly, we both sense an impending danger and the setting transmorphs into an elementary school that resembled one I went to. A masked man, unnervingly void of emotion, emerges and pursues us down the hall through the puzzle-like administration offices. Somewhere as I run for cover, sanctuary, my little brother appears, and I swoop him up, and keep running. He's heavy, but I would never leave him behind.

We soon make it to this terminal, a train station. We catch our breaths, a moment of peace. The people here seem unaware that anything has happened. But, we still have a sense that we're not completely safe yet. A fortune teller, diagnostician, calls us over to read our fortunes. He chooses to read my brother's fortune first, gathering that there lies a strong presence within him. I ask him to read mine. He responds, "there is nothing." I'm unconvinced, a little wounded, "Are you sure? Last year I was something." He looks again, and a curios glimmer strokes his eyes, "You are the Mingus." I'm confused what he means by this. He's not sure himself. I ask him what my brother and I are together. But, before he can answer, screams burst out, everyone scattering for their lives. Another creature coming to hunt us down. This one more vicious. We run until we find a room. This one with people sitting inside. It has an aura of homeliness. We barely make it in, squeezing through the fast-closing door. It feels safe here. the lock on the door seems strong, solid. As we enter, I feel an undeniable attraction overcome me, this celestial woman drawing me toward her. She is the Mother of these survivors, their guide. I sit down beside her and she talks to me, perhaps recognizing the spiritual strength I carry. The entire conversation is expressed, emoted, not articulated. I tell her about my transformation from aggressive to sensitive. Still bothered by my fortune I confide, "I don't understand how my little brother may possess more power than me, he's part of the Internet generation." She touches my soul with her eyes, smiling. Comfortingly as possible, she says, "the future may not be how you want it to be." I respond, stubbornly, arrogantly, yet also understanding this possibility, "then I'll make it be." She looks deeper into my eyes, protectively, "if you hold on too tightly to this ideal future, your walls will fall down." I tell her I'm willing to die alone. I'm willing to sacrifice that if its necessary. She strokes me, and the sincerity of her touch soothes all my feelings of anxiety and frustration. My tears, repressed for so long, all cathartically released. She embraces me, and in that moment I feel like I'm cared for, someone understands my torture, my loneliness, and that I am only a child trying to be a man. She kisses me with motherly caress, peering into me like she's never seen so much of this in a single entity - it's a moment of unrequited attraction, love.